Well, it is easy to tell it’s September.

BBQ smoke hangs thickly in the air, the rain is getting cooler than it usually is in the summertime, and the Mariners are securely in last place.

And it is also time to return to school. For the new voter about to enter (or return to) College, all the crazy living can make you forget about important things, like...oh, I don’t know...maybe an election or two.

To make sure this does not happen I’m going to put College and Politics together to create this year’s first...wait for it...synchronized Sarah Palin drinking game.

So start pairing up your shotglasses, find the Scotch tape, and when you get back I’ll tell you how it works.

OK...so here’s what’s going to happen:

You’re going to make “pairs” of glasses that will have Sarah Palin’s “official story” on one glass, and Sarah Palin’s matching flip-flop on the other...which you can find right here...so print this story, cut out the strips, apply a bit of tape, and you’re on your way.

Put them in a shoebox, and at the beginning of the game players pick one at random. (Or if you prefer, pick teammates...)

When you hear one of the pair on the TV, both glasses have to drink...in a synchronized manner.

For those who did not know, I’m a contract worker; and as a result I’m a direct beneficiary of the trend toward outsourcing.

And let me tell you, everyone’s doing it. At different times I’ve worked for school districts, a company that makes tax preparation software, agencies of State Government...even the Navy.

So it was no surprise when I found out from the agency that I was to be assigned to a Human Resources Department to help with the overflow of employee evaluations that needed to be completed—and it was no surprise when they told me the job was like working in Hell.

I was a bit surprised, however, when it turned out they were telling the literal truth...and that’s how I came to spend last week as a temp in Satan’s HR Department—vetting John McCain for his annual evaluation.

As surprising as it might seem, Satan’s actually not a bad boss. The dress code is casual—in fact, shorts are just fine: “on hot days”, as the joke went around the office. Dirty jokes at the office? Oh, they were all over that...and I don’t mind telling you that having been in that environment, I understand how flinging around the “C-word” can bring a sudden end to the lunch conversation.

Many words have been proffered regarding the FISA bill this week, and I was actually preparing an analysis of the events when, to my surprise, I received an email that made me alter my schedule completely.

I want to apologize in advance to Danny Medress, over at Democracy for America, for whom I was preparing the analysis; and all I can tell you, Danny, is that this was of such import that the schedule had to be slipped.

That said, presented here in its entirety is the memo I received …and having read it through, I have to say I feel much safer.

WASHINGTON—July, 10, 2008

FCNS--Officials at the Department of Homeland Security, the National Security Agency, the FBI, and the National Reconnaissance Office jointly announced today that because of the new authorities and tools they have under H.R. 6304, the FISA Amendments Act of 2008, they can now absolutely assure the American people that there will be 100% coverage of every single “suspicious person” in the United States.

DHS Undersecretary Harry Paratestes told the assembled media that two major programs have been implemented to assure that 100% coverage is achieved.

I bring to you today a story that is eight years old and as recent as today’s headlines. 

A foolish tale of mirth and merriment it is indeed--and for those who want a real all-American Fourth of July story, well...this one fits better than a glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot. 

The story, as you might have guessed from the headline, starts with a simple premise and ends by paraphrasing Ronald Reagan’s famous question:

Had we elected Jerry Springer in 2000 instead of George Bush the Younger, would we be better off today than we were eight years ago?

Come along for the ride, Esteemed Reader, and we shall see...

I am going to make the case that Jerry Springer would, in fact, have been the better choice by addressing four areas of Administration policy: foreign relations, legislative management, press relations, and fiscal policy.

In each of these areas I believe I can demonstrate with powerful evidence that a President Springer would have made better choices...and to show you what I mean, let’s begin with foreign relations.

""Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" 
--President Bush, Florence, South Carolina, January 11th, 2000